(In)frequently
Asked Questions...
- What are you doing?
- What do you do?
- D'you get paid to do this?
- Have you found anything interesting?
- D'you want to come and dig my garden?
...And Some Answers
- Working,
as one does, outdoors - in fields... in the fresh air...the rain...the
sleet...etc... - one often encounters the curiosity of Members of
the Public, who invariably ask this question. The first words that
spring to mind are "my job", but that would be impolite
and unhelpful, so I usually resort to "I'm walking up and down
with instruments that go beep looking for buried stuff so that somebody
else can come and dig it up before they build a car park / road /
sewage processing plant."
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- This variation
on a question is asked by authority figures (bank managers and the
like) who have to fill out forms in triplicate. The next question
they ask is "how do you spell that?" It is also quite a
popular polite dinner-party-getting-to-know-you kind of question,
followed by a blank look and a pause, which is my cue to wow them
with an amusing account of the rich fulfilling moments that make up
the daily life of of an Archaeological Geophysicist. Alternatively,
I could just tell them this:
GETTING THERE. Monday morning - away on survey; pack a week long overnight
bag and struggle to work. At Work - wander around aimlessly for five
minutes, trying to remember where you're supposed to be going. Gather
together your wits and your workmates, throw some very expensive equipment
haphazardly into the back of a filthy 4WD jeep and set off, hoping
you haven't forgotten anything. If you have left behind some vital
piece of equipment, you will not realise it until you're on the motorway
and there's no way off for another twenty miles. Stop for coffee.
Swap drivers. Get out the maps and see if you can figure out how to
get where you are meant to be. By some miracle, arrive in the general
vicinity of the site. Try not to be too dismayed that the closest
parking spot is half a mile away - after all you really need the exercise.
ON SITE. Get out more detailed maps and play "find the right
field(s)" with your workmates. As a general rule if there is
a choice between nicely trimmed grass and a ploughed potato field,
it will be the latter. Set out the grid. Survey the grid. Take measurements
to fix the location of the grid with respect to existing features
(boundary fences, gates etc.), secure in the knowledge that these
will bear NO resemblance to any maps you can get your hands
on back at the office.
THE END OF THE DAY. Pack up, walk back to the car and set off for
your hotel / bed & breakfast. By now you are cold, tired and hungry,
so finding your accomodation will prove more difficult than getting
to site was. In your room - dump data while watching Star Trek or
Buffy. Bathing is optional, depending on the olfactory tolerance of
your workmates. Find Pub. Drink. Agonise over whether to have the
"healthy option" dinner and then order it with chips. Drink.
Sleep. And then...
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- A question
posed incredulously by local farmers, landowners and and other people
who feel generally inconvenienced by our presence. The answer is,
quite obviously, "Not enough". But still, it's understandable
that people get confused - after all, it's hard to look professional
when you're wet, tired, (quite probably hung-over) and dressed in
unfashionable clothing and rubber footwear. Many people assume that
you inhabit some Hallowed Institution of Learning and are therefore
happy to be wet, tired etc..for the love of your subject. But nay,
Commercial Archaeological Geophysics is a cut-throat world populated
by Heroes (my colleagues and I) and Villains (everyone else) all grappling
with the pressures of Competetive Tendering.
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- Well lets's
see now...last week, halfway through a magnetometer survey, I found
a valid credit card in my back pocket...and one of my colleague's
collection of golf balls is comming along quite nicely, thank you...and
who could forget the time we were introduced to The Sheep that ate
Mars Bars. But although the job has its moments, it has to be acknowledged
that the routine collection of geophysical data is repetitive and
could probably be done by a properly trained monkey...Still, all that
time walking up and down accompanied by the melodious chirp of a data
logger gives you plenty of time to think.
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- Digging gardens
is not a service that we provide, due to the lack of appropriate equipment.
However, for a modest fee, my colleagues and I could be called upon
to aerate your lawn.
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Wildcat Winnie 2000
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